The boy I’m chillin’ with these days is convinced that if we have sex, things will go “too fast.” I looked at him right in the eyes like UHHHHHHHHHH. He really believes that sexual penetration (AKA: sticking his ding-dong into my bun warmer) is gonna make the two of us “ruin what we have together.” This obviously made me very sad, since I like to fuck a whole lot. I asked my Grandpa for advice because he’s so wise like a great old falcon or something. My Grandpa told me there was only one thing I could do: convince him. SO, I did just that. I put on my black string bikini and called him right up. I said that my shower was broken and I needed him to come on over and help me fix it. LOL! :) He believed me, and drove over to “inspect it.” Hehe :) Little did he know, when my Grandpa let him in and he came upstairs, I would be standing there in my little itty-bitty black bikini waiting for him. It all went perfectly: I pulled down the strings of my top, looked him right in the eye, licked my lips seductively, and told him I needed something else inspected instead. His cock sprang up inside of his pants like a tent, and I just giggled behind my hand. We went at it like two starved animals. I was so happy–Grandpa knows how to fix everything!
But . . . turns out there was a reason my newest piece of ass didn’t want to BOING me. He has a super psycho, crazy ex-girlfriend. By fucking the bejeezus out of him, I had put myself in her line of fire. So who is this chick? Well, she’s a stripper. That’s right. You heard me. The bitch is a bona fide titty marvel. No legitimately! She takes her clothes off for money. I mean, I do it because I love it. I do it because I happen to think sex is the best thing ever. I do it because I was born to be a fuckdoll, and I am damn proud of it. But the super psycho, crazy ex-girlfriend? She’s just totally annoying and needy for attention. I have been running away from her and trying to avoid her for weeks now. It’s like she can smell the scent of his cock on me or something. She’s vicious like an animal–she even poured out my entire bottle of shampoo and replaced it with Nair hair remover. Fingers crossed she will get bored harassing me and focus on her dance routines (COUGH slut-fest shows COUGH) :D But I promise I will keep you guys updated!
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